I was asked, what do you want people to remember about you when die?
This
was a post that I wanted to write since last year, and for months I
have thought about this question, so eager to find the answer, lol,
cause I never actually thought about this. All I ever wanted is to go to
heaven at the end of this life, not giving a shit about anything that I
left behind on earth. But then again, the image of being remembered by
others is kinda important, the reputation you built for all your life is
important even for your afterlife.
*Also, sorry if this post comes out like a self appreciation post, just happy for making it till this day.
The
reputation that I mean here is personal branding. Who doesn't know
personal branding? In this digital era, everyone has a social media and
each of them has a use of its own. Most people take social media as an
imagery of themselves, for the sake of reputation, either to show who
you are or to build an image of someone you want people to see you in.
Personal
branding could be very exhausting, especially for those who built it
for the reason to satisfy other people, lying to themselves on who they
really are.
I once asked myself about this, do I want to build
someone who could be accepted in our society? Someone who people looks
up to? Am I really willing to be the person that I am not? Many people
are successful because of the imagery of the person they built, not
successful in who they are.
For years, I've been hating
myself, either for who I am or because I don't know who I am. Hate
myself for not being the person that people looks up to, a perfect
beautiful girl with brains and loved by others. I've constantly been
comparing myself to people in social media, heck comparing myself to
friends around me, hating myself and pushing myself to be like them.
Building someone that isn't me but someone by society, fearing that no
one would actually love who I am, receiving comments to change who you
are from people you trust most.
Isn't it tiring?
Making that kind of brand of yourself, you'd have to put up a mask to
the people around you, not trust anyone because they could leak out who
you are to those who are crucial for the success of your life.
I didn't want that.
It
is tiring for me, it actually felt like being trapped in a loop of
people, constantly being forced and chased by standards. Although
sometimes I wanted people to look up to me from the society standards,
by applying things or trying things that are not what I wanted to
achieve in life. I tell you, being driven by those things is exhausting
because you don't actually enjoy it. I actually kinda feel sorry for the
people who dress for others, who wants to constantly be seen by others,
not knowing that the feeling of satisfaction from the attention of
others just drives them craving for more attention, building up that
character that puts the world as if its revolves around them.
Maybe
I have been in that position, getting the attention of people is a
great feeling, but the things that I have gone through in life has taken
a big toll on me, so far has taught me to be proud of who I am,
fighting for my believes and don't give a shit about people. So every
time I wanted to do something, I would reevaluate it, asking myself if
its relevant to what I wanted to achieve in life. And you know what?
Without you knowing, you have built yourself a personal branding. An
authentic one. Personal branding is more than a mask in front of others, the mask is a part of you.
Just
to be clear, I'm not saying that being beautiful, have brains etc is a
bad thing. You do have to have brains and you do have to be
represent-able for others but that doesn't mean that you have to become
someone constructed by the liking's of society. Being authentic doesn't
always have to mean breaking the ethics or morals to how you represent
yourself (not gonna lie, there are some people who do), but its about
what you want people to remember you by.
So, the first process that I went through to answer the question "what
do you want people to remember about you when die?" is picking the
things I'd want to develop and showing them, that actually builds my
personal branding, I also look through my experiences, what I would like
to do through my career path, and my goals. For example, I really love
coffee, I expose myself to everyone when I go to coffee gatherings,
coffee shops, and when I'm learning about it. By doing that, I am
unconsciously building the image that 'Egit is the girl who loves coffee
and have some knowledge about it.' I even got a job because the person
who offered me that job knew that I love coffee. The fact that I update
so much about coffee, people tends to know that I only love that and not
anything else, for example, about my hobby that I loved since high
school, lettering, the branding that I've been building about it is not
as strong as it is with coffee. That's just a small example.
So
last year, I was asked to build a personal branding name from a
community that I joined regarding mental health and suicide prevention.
With a simple question, "what do I want people to remember me about when
I gone?"
I thought about this so hard and so long. What I
like, what I fight for and believe in, what I am today. I mean you could
practically see the transformation of me in this very blog of mine. And
finally! I came up with a three word branding, 'Dynamic Stigma
Warrior.' Let me explain why I chose to be that
1. Dynamic
Simply,
I'm a person who gets bored easily, doing the same thing for a long
time, having the same routine without any challenges or problems for me
to develop actually kills me slowly. And to pile it up, I really love
change and developing. I strive to achieve the goals that I have planned
for myself, and forcing myself to learn things on the way to achieve
it. Change is a challenge and its what I like, its satisfying and
exciting to be and to know you are more than the person you are
yesterday. That is why I chose 'Dynamic' it has two meanings, constant
change or progress and full of energy or positive attitude.
2. unStigma
I
think I don't have to explain what stigma is. Any stigma, especially
about mental health that is still strong in Indonesia, I'd just love to
make the stigma go away. I am kinda a humanist person, I believe that
everyone has their own reasons for doing something or have the same
right as everyone else AS LONG AS they don't interfere the rights of
others, I do believe that people should get the punishment they deserve
based on their actions and not cause of their background. That is also a
stigma in Indonesia, people tend to judge someone not of what they did
but ASSUMING the background of the person is the cause of it and
ASSUMING everyone with that kind of background is the same. Stigma is so
broad, but making that as a base actually (maybe) covers it all.
3. Warrior
I am someone you fights on what I believe in, especially the unstigma.
I want to fight the inequality of the behaviours done by humans to
other humans, from the simplest to the largest thing. 'Warrior,' a brave
soldier. The meaning itself is kinda artsy, standing in what u believe
is right is challenging, especially if most of the world is against you,
its like fighting a war, so a strong warrior shall I be. (PS. that
doesn't mean that I'll debate on you on whats right or wrong or I force
someone to have it my way or see it my way, I love seeing other
perspectives, understanding them, I'll totally respect them, even if our
values are different, I just want to understand them and I hope you'll
do the same. If not, just agree to disagree and we're all good.) ANNDDD besides all that, I really want to fight for those struggling under stigma, I want to become a soldier for them and make a change to all these unfairness. I have felt what its like to be under those stigma and fighting it, being the reason behind someones right to live, feel safe, or anything is just the most pleasant feeling EVER, no matter if they know me or not.
So,
I guess that wraps up what I want people to see in me. Not just someone
who loves coffee and does lettering for a hobby. This is something I
held on to maybe all my life, unfairness is something that I don't like,
ever. Finally realizing who I am actually makes my personal branding so
complete. Who ever you are, I believe you are loved and much more than
what you think you are. If you fail, try to see the good in it, reflect
yourself and raise yourself up. Understanding yourself is hard let a
long loving yourself, so take easy steps and you'll have that personal
branding that would make you love yourself too.
I hope
that this post helps you and I'm sorry if there's anything strange or
something in my writing, hope you understand what my point is.
Cheers.
